Don’t Go In Without a Ladder Out: Writing through Memory, Part I: Staying Safe
“Memory takes a lot of poetic license. It omits some details; others are exaggerated, according to the emotional value of the articles it touches, for memory is seated predominantly in the heart. The interior is therefore rather dim and poetic.”
As writers we naturally mine the depth of our own lives, both internal and external, for subject matter. Sometimes this can take us on a careening ride through underground tunnels we’ve not visited in years, or deliberately avoided. Sometimes, we end up frantically searching for the brakes. Writing through your life experiences, trauma, or buried memories is often tough.
This is where it becomes important to employ “lifelines,” or techniques, to help write through memory. Gillian Flynn, author of Gone Girl, says her husband tells her to “leave the crazy in the basement” when she finishes writing for the day. She does so by turning on her favorite Broadway show tunes for ten minutes to help the transition back to the “real world”. Poet Ada Limón says she “never goes in without a ladder out”. She will place her hand on her writing and say, “you stay here”, adding, “writing is my answer to where do I put all of this?”.
What does the “ladder out” look like? For me, the five techniques below are the rungs I use and find most helpful when the “going gets hard”:
Method to Shift from Interior to Exterior- when I feel myself spiraling, I will tell myself to notice: 5 things I can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste, OR NOTICE 3 things in the shape of a square, 3 things in the shape of a circle, and 3 things in the shape of a rectangle.(I thank my therapist for that one!)
Breath Work-Breath connects directly to the nervous system, hence, when our breath quickens with excitement/fear we can consciously slow it down to bring calm. There are a lot of different kinds of breath-work, but the method I use (because I can remember it) when on the high-dive is called “box breathing”. You simply inhale 4 counts, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. More info here.
Form Constraints-Choose a form, any form. Maybe it’s a sonnet, or as simple as making a list. Maybe it’s a haiku, or in the form of dialogue. Having a form helps switch the brain away from emotionally charged subject matter, and over to the more linear, logical side. Like swim-lane ropes, it helps give our work specific direction when it feels like we’re dog-paddling to nowhere.
Movement and/or Music-Take a walk. Sit in your chair, reach your arms out and upward as you breathe in, bring them down as you exhale. Roll your shoulders. Try some chair yoga. Turn on the music. Take a dance break. The mind/body connection is a strong and proven one. Get out of your head and into your body. Discharge that pent-up emotional energy with movement. Your writing, and your body, will thank you.
Decline the Invitation-“Going there” in your writing is up to you. Trust the wisdom of your body. If something comes up you don’t want to address, you can absolutely say, “no, thank you”, and shut the door behind it.
Maybe think of the above as the hard-hat and knee-pads for certain aspects of the hard work of writing. Find comfort in knowing that many are sharing the journey with you. If you’re lucky enough to have writer friends, talk about it. Many of us circle and circle around our truths, but never get there. Suit up and see where it can take your writing.
Coming in April: Writing through Memory Part II: Questions and Considerations on Ethics
Ellis Elliott is a published author and poet. Join her Bewilderness Writing Workshops and use free writing to find yourself and your voice on the page. Order her poetry collection Break in the Field.